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The “Happening” is the worst film I’ve ever sat through. Yes, even worse than ‘V for Vendetta’. I can’t honestly tell you if its worse than previous title-holder for “Callum’s most hated piece of celluloid”, ‘28 Days Later…’, because I walked out of that mess at around about the fifth use of headache inducing shakey-cam + thudding bass + screamy-mad-panicy-bad-acting which combined to make me come as close as I’ve been to vomiting in a theatre.

To say this film is just not *ughh* happening appears almost ironic, witty, droll even in contrast with the cliché ridden dialogue I’ve just sat through. Visual queues taken straight from the Writing TV Versions of Stephen King Novels For Dummies book I’m sure director/writer M. Night Shyamalan guards closely, not doubt he has a signed copy (Signed: to M. glad you liked my childish additions to psycho -Gus Van Sant). Fool.

Mainly, ‘Happening’ screams lack-of-care, it was non-atmospheric and badly shot. How can a film made in 2008 be out of focus (how can booms still drop into frame!!!!). The problem with the writing of this picture is low on the list to be honest. In a way I really thought the writer’s strike would force all the big-name ‘writers’ to move on, and although I don’t know if ‘Happening’ is the result of a lack of writers / editors on hand or plane lame-ness I’ve read terms and condition small-print with more energy than the past three hollwood movies i’ve been forcefed this month. This film does not give me hope.

The food here is terrible, and such small portions…

What’s my problem? Why do I watch this stuff if I hate it so much, I should have known better? NO. Not the point, if films like this are being made then 20 indie-s are not. Juno was fine, shouldn’t that inexpensive turn studio-hit give confidence to brilliance… sure, Juno’s not ‘perfect’ has its problems- but the movie had honest heart. Now they want a million of them: skip to 26:30 here. So the buzz this season- a complex quirky romantic/relationship story. One with, y’know ‘depth’… the kids have a thing for ‘depth’ this year.

‘Happening’s depth can be summed up in the scene where Zoey Deschanel’s character is portrayed as caring. She looks ‘caringly’ at the sad little girl, I know for a fact that was the written direction in the script. FOR A FACT. Shyamalan is a bad director- his analogy to global warming and the very wrong use of emotive imagery (New Yorkers jumping from a building to their deaths in masses), Suicide etc. made the viewers at the screening I attended guffaw out loud. Give me the money next time. I have a killer re-make of Lord of The Rings in mind.